I know that's the redneck's bit but . . .
In case you ever find yourself at a birthday party and can't remember whether you are at a modern birthday party or one from say, 25 years ago, I have compiled a guide:
1985: "Themed birthday party???"
2010: Theme = Springtime in Paris
1985: The mother just got out of the shower but managed to put on a puffy paint t-shirt, spandex and pull her hair into a scrunchy.
2010: Both parents are dressed like artists.
1985: A sad looking paper donkey with a pock-marked hide, several fatal looking wounds to the head and a tail stuck to his abdomen
2010: A 4-foot French poodle pinata
1985: A 4-gallon tub of ice cream and a yellow cake with chocolate frosting
2010: Miniature Eiffel Tower cakes
1985: Present from grandma: a real screwdriver to put in the toolbox she gave you for Christmas
2010: Present from grandma: a trip to Paris
1985: 10 kids; no parents
2010: The presence of every kid within a 10 mile radius of the birthday child's home
1985: Impromptu games such as "Harass the hapless toad unlucky enough to have hopped into Nicole's yard on the big day."
2010: French manicures
1985: Pointy paper hats with rubber bandy straps stapled to the sides
1985: Jumping on the bed and a red-faced mother screaming, "Jenny B," (every other kid in the 1980's was named "Jennifer", even the boys), "I'm gonna call your mother and tell her to take you home!"
2010: A bounce house the size of the Louvre
1985: Air-popped popcorn
2010: Baguettes and Crepes
1985: Spin the tail on the bottle because the few parents who stuck around are in the living room swigging Shasta
2010: Parent-manned activity centers including, "Make your own Monet!"
1985: Party favors - A kazoo no one ever intended for actual noise-making
2010: Party favors - lavender seedlings
1985: Thank you cards???
2010: Thank you cards with a picture of the exhausted child dwarfed by a veritable Alps of presents
I admit with a little chagrin that I am the 2010 mommy (and if you are thinking of a Paris-themed birthday party, you are too). But on the other hand, you can be confident that there will be no kissing in closets at Weston's birthday parties, not even French kissing.
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